Dating Criteria

I am getting better about weeding guys out. I am downright brutal on Match. I don’t set the filters, but here are some of my criteria:

  • Must have a college degree. Sorry, I lived with HWINL who had his GED. He is a smart guy, but book learning matters to me for reasons I am not digressing to for today.
  • No soul patch. I don’t mind neatly trimmed facial hair, but if you go way out there, I’m not joining you. I did make the exception for one guy who is sporting an epic pandemic beard because he hit some other more major criteria. Plus he has photos both with and without said epic beard. It gave me hope…
  • Untidy hair is another. Long, stringy hair is a no. Long stringy hair and balding is an absolute no. Mullet – forget it. Wild, frizzy hair – nope. Remember, these are suppose to be good photos because you are trying to attract someone!
  • Smile in your damn photos. If you have 4-5 photos and you aren’t smiling, nope. If you have the semblance of a smile but you look pained or constipated, nope. I guarantee you have zero sense of humor.
  • Trumpeteers can keep moving right along. Same goes for anti-vaxers. I’ve had enough of that bullshit too. Believe whatever, I just don’t have to date you.
  • Wearing heavy gold chains. That’s not my jam. I made the mistake and swiped with one. He is a personal trainer and massage therapist. Nice, but not for me.
  • Bad dresser. I mean really bad like crew socks, loud shirts, ill-fitting clothing. I am no fashionista, but look neat and have properly fitting clothes in your friggin’ dating profile photos. You are suppose to be trying to look attractive for goodness sakes.
  • Photos from 30+ years ago. Keep those in the photo album and join the present. Also no photos with your kids (feels awkward and TMI to me). I think photos that include other people violates their privacy. Do they know they are on a dating site? Plus sometimes I am trying to figure out where the guy is in the group photo.
  • Photos of a bunch of things that don’t include you. Ok, your pup is cute, but I don’t need 4 photos of it. I need 4 photos of YOU. Also, what is it with men posing with a super-expensive car? Not impressing me. I know it’s not yours.
  • A profile that even hints at a negative attitude towards women. I saw one today that made me think, WTF? Geez, what a first impression.
  • Profile that mentions being sarcastic or that the woman should roll with sarcasm and have a sense of humor. Nope. To me, that guy is already winding up to be a jerk. You are leading with sarcasm? Not with me. To me that is a thinly veiled hint of “I’m going to say mean things to you and then tell you you shouldn’t be upset because I was only being sarcastic”. I was married to that, so I will pass on seconds.

Online dating takes effort and time. I am determining how much time I want to invest into all of this. I’m not upset or bitter. I am merely pragmatic about trying to figure out my return on investment. Right now I feel like I’m making too much effort for the return. Perhaps part of it is figuring out the tricks of Match… I will report back….

Photo by Maddi Bazzocco on Unsplash

Published by birdiehope

A smart, funny quasi-introvert who loves a festival.

7 thoughts on “Dating Criteria

  1. Men with fish. Like, 7 men with dead fish…

    And what is it with the boats? Or the outdoor enthusiasts? Constant endless mention of exercising, hiking, sports, blah blah blah? (Maybe they’re lying or embellishing )

    I mean, isn’t there anyone normal on dating apps? 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha, actually I like men with dead fish. It means they go boating & I love boating. I also enjoy fishing (don’t ask me to clean them).

      The dating apps tell everyone to mention activities, so of course some will take it too far. I think guys in their cycling outfits can be a bit much, but at least they are in shape…usually…. 😂


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