Just as I began thinking that maybe, just maybe I will jump into the online dating game, I heard a story that made me sigh heavily.
I have two lovely colleagues at work, both young women in their late 20’s/ early 30’s. They work closely together and are friends outside of work. We all went to a comedy show this past week. I know, shocking that yours truly ventured out, but I did and it was fun.
Back to the dating story. One girl (M) is dating (as in several dates and HE says they are dating) a guy she met off of Bumble. Nice guy, they communicate well, taking things slowly, etc. The other girl (R) has been off the dating apps for a couple of weeks to get a break. In a weak moment, she jumped back on. Now here is the weird part.
Within a day, The Guy shows up in R’s activity as having “liked” her. Her profile is descriptive enough that he should have been able to easily figure out that she works with M. She tells M because she doesn’t want to have such a burdensome secret. I agree with this. M is upset, but she is also a calm, rational person. M calls The Guy who emphatically denies being on the site. He is very open and says he had deleted the app. He screenshots his phone, etc. in other words, he says and does all the right things.
The girls get together because they had a planned shopping trip to buy M a dress for a double date The Guy had set up. He wants to introduce her to his bestie and bestie’s wife. The girls decide this is a Bumble fucked up algorithm. I agree.
R calls me because she is upset. She is worried that she screwed things up for M. She doesn’t want The Guy to think she is some crazy Drama Queen looking to make trouble. I told her she did the right thing. This needs to be addressed immediately and by not doing so, it could easily get out of proportion.
I am also convinced this is a Bumble algorithm quirk. Think about it, dating sites want to keep you on their platform. They want you to engage, engage, engage. They will throw any ammo available at you, including inactive profiles. All the dating sites do this. I was getting email notices about hits on Match long, long after I closed and deleted my account.
R had deleted her account. I told her it didn’t matter because the site uses facial recognition software. They knew it was her from her previous account. I told her that his like was from awhile ago before he connected with M. I said that would not be unusual and Bumble probably transferred that like from her old account. Remember, they want activity and engagement.
Wow, I feel bad for all three of them. The Guy and the girls. I truly think The Guy is innocent in all this. He has been forthcoming about other things, so I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.
And I am thinking about jumping into this algorithm mud hole? Ugh. I am in no hurry now…