Round #2

It is Hump Day (aka Wednesday), so this is about sex, but not too graphic. If you aren’t interested, come back tomorrow.

Round 2 with BC was much like Round 1 with a couple of exceptions. I I reached to get together and he obliged. There was no restaurant pre-meeting and I headed up straight after work because it was somewhat last minute.

Since I was coming straight from work, he said I could take a shower there, so I invited him to join me. He had been playing golf that afternoon. He agreed, so when I arrived he was in a bathrobe and we jumped in the shower. It was easy, fun and I giggled inside when he paused to squeegee the glass shower walls afterwards. Remember I mentioned he has a bit of neat freak side?

I kicked things off by offering him a massage, so he received a luxurious full body massage. He loved it. We romped, it was enjoyable. I brought my own lube this time because I needed something better than coconut oil. Our romps include breaks and a little convo. I end up doing much of the talking, but I also take pauses, so it’s not like I am an endless chatterbox filling the silence with words.

We headed downstairs afterwards and he gives me a 10 minute golf lesson. But after about 10-15 minutes of chitchat, he opens his frig and offers me a water for the ride home. Social cue taken, I head out.

What’s interesting is the morning after I am once again reflective.  This isn’t what I want.  I want to hang out, cook dinner or have a nice meal together – something to generate a connection with a bit of romance and then get down to business.

This doesn’t feel right.  I like the guy.  There is a lot to like about him, but there is not going to be the type of relationship that I want. To be fair to him, he is very honest and upfront about what he wants – which is sex without any form of commitment. 

I don’t think I can do that.  I don’t think I want to do that. When I think back to HWINL, the way he won me over was he cared.  He cooked dinner for me, snuggled, loved kissing.  He was very romantic at the beginning and I love that shit, who doesn’t? BC isn’t a smooching/kissing, romantic kind of guy.  

I think the big question now is when do I cut it off? I need to think about that as well. For now I am sitting back and waiting. A friend suggested that BC might like or need the chase and the competition, so I need to let that unroll. I’m good with that because my Bumble feed is pretty steady.

To be continued….

Photo by Skyler King on Unsplash

Noom Update #2

As I write this, I have been on Noom 27 days. I have lost 7.8 pounds which works out to roughly 2 pounds a week. I have lost half an inch from my waist and hips. I am finally walking 10,000 steps several times a week, thank you FitBit.

I stick to the daily lessons, log my food and stay within my calories limits for the most part. I am not snacking on crap. I am snacking on fruit instead. I am following Noom suggestions like adding new foods and recipes. I am making a carrot and turmeric soup this week because they suggest low calorie soups to help with satiety. If I get too hungry, I make a healthy snack and keep going. Tonight I enjoyed an herbal tea instead of a snack because I reached my calorie limit.

If I continue on the plan, I should lose 15 pounds by the end of September. That’s amazing to me. Like I keep saying – it isn’t that hard. I plan my meals, move my body, drink lots of water, listen to the lessons and implement them as needed.

My exercise is primarily walking right now. I stopped jogging because it is so hot. I hit the small gym at the apartment complex twice a week so I can do two rounds of weights. I do 6 weight-lifting exercises broken down into groups of 2 for 15 reps each and repeat. I try to have the weights as heavy as I can tolerate and still do the exercise correctly.

I will say that my scale can be frustrating. It’s accuracy is dubious. Since I weigh on the same scale every day, it doesn’t really matter too much. What I notice is that I have 4 days at one weight and then BOOM, 1-2 pounds gone. I move my scale around and weigh myself 3 times in a row just to be certain of what number I will record.

Overall I feel good. I feel healthy and motivated to stay on track. Hooray!

Nuances

I am not very good with nuances. I am in the middle of two subtle battles of wills right now at work. It took me a couple of breaths to realize I was in both, and there isn’t a damn thing I can do to get out of either.

One is a very low stakes issue. I want to move my cubicle. Someone left and she had a great corner one. If you want to pull rank, I win and should get it. Yeah, that didn’t happen.

I went to my boss and asked for it. She said she would do it, but it is for the other VP to say. I could have left it there, but I went to the other VP. She said my boss was the decision-maker for this.

It was then that I realized I would never get that seat. My boss and this VP had already worked through this issue before I joined the company. That seat belongs to the other department as far as they both are concerned. They don’t want to have another round of talks about it because at the end of the day, it isn’t worth their time. The only person who cares is me.

Plus do I really care? Not really. I can give you a bunch of silly reasons, but I wanted it for more privacy basically. That is not a compelling reason to do battle for it, so I will let it go.

The next nuanced battle is just taking shape. It is a culture war between the old guard and the young folks. I see it forming. I will be smack in the middle of it because my job deals with aspects of our work culture. I tend to agree with the young folks, but report to the old guard. This will be interesting. Will I be a double agent? That is a hard thing to do. Can I keep my big mouth shut and remain neutral? Doubtful.

I just need to remember to keep my eye out for these nuances. They tell me important things if I will just take a breath and listen.

Lady Parts

I have been having some issues in my lady parts area. I know, I know, TMI, but I ended up having a chuckle out of this.

I was having some uncomfortable itchy sensations that occurred after visiting BC. It was noticeable.

I went through a rundown of possibilities. I won’t go into graphic detail, but it ran the gamut including perhaps a reaction to the condoms. I checked for additional symptoms and didn’t see anything noteworthy.

I googled some more and something popped up that caught my eye. Razor burn. Razor burn?

Yep, it was good old razor burn on my delicate lady parts. I had been waxing for several years., but my new frugal side didn’t want to spend $50-60 a wax. Plus I was tired of the pain.

I am going to have to figure out my next steps on this.

Deep Thoughts on the Morning After

I can be a deep thinker and I had some deep thoughts about life, etc. after hanging with BC. Have I settled for too small a life? Have I given up too soon? Am I willing to make other tradeoffs to have more? What does more look like?

Do I want a bigger job, bigger career so I make more money? Am I over-estimating my earning power and prowess? Do I just shut up and hang on?

I gave a Toastmaster speech on Zoom recently, so I watched the playback so I can continue to improve, yada yada. I wasn’t cool with my voice. I like my voice in my head, but hearing it was different. It was a little higher pitched and dare I say, strident? Not really but there was something I couldn’t put my finger on. It just felt off. I didn’t see many glimpses of the attractive Birdie (she is in there somewhere). Why am I so hard on myself?

What kind of relationship am I seeking?  Do I need more on the intimacy side of things in a FWB arrangement?  Am I needing more friend than benefit?

BC is a considerate lover, as I wrote before. He also is laid back. I am used to a more assertive partner. With more reflection, I think he was simply letting me take the lead so I wouldn’t get too nervous. Is that bad? No, just different. Perhaps that is the right approach the first time around. Maybe it will evolve. I don’t know.

I do know that when I woke up the morning after, I didn’t have a pep in my step and a smile on my face. I had deep thoughts. That of course leads to more deep thoughts.

Knocking Boots

This is an explicit post, so if you don’t want to read about sex, please come back tomorrow. I will be back to more mundane topics.

Knocking boots is BC’s (aka Breadcrumb dude) euphemism for sex. I find it funny. Everyone has their name for sex. We knocked boots and it was interesting (also quite good, BTW).

He’s the first guy since HWINL. I was with HWINL for 5 years. He’s the first sex in 16 months or more. That is interesting because it is a new person, a new body. Different people like different things and have different techniques, shall we say.

One thing I want to say at the very beginning, he is considerate. Very considerate. He may be the #1 in consideration. We met at a casual restaurant. I had a drink and we got some food. After 45 minutes, we were ready. He had walked over, so we drove together to his place.

He has a great home. Very comfortable and inviting. We had something to drink, we checked out the renovation of his pool and deck (I love that kind of stuff) and then we headed upstairs.

Huge bathroom, huge bed, water, coconut oil for lube, same vibrator that I use, good music – we were good to go. And we went at it. He’s good. Let me say that HWINL was the best I ever had, so there was a high bar. He came quite close and that’s only the first time. But he wins the round with consideration. He made sure I was comfortable and enjoying myself.

I needed a little lubrication and he pulls out a Costco size jar of coconut oil. I burst out laughing and thanked him. Condoms? Yep, by the bed, ready to go. Vibrator? Yep, he hands it over and it’s the same as mine. Yes, I thought where has it been? However, he is a bit of a neat freak (in a good way), so it was clean as a whistle.

At the end of our boots knocking, everyone was content. Everyone came. I know he had a quarter of a blue pill. I asked the night before plus I can tell when it is a Viagra/Cialis erection. I don’t know why, but I can tell. Ladies, it is important to know if your partner has taken one of these pills. I know someone who died of a heart attack from too much Viagra. He was in bed with his mistress. It was a mess.

Anyway, we trotted downstairs to have some wine and smoked a little weed. I didn’t want too much so I could drive home, so he gave me a To Go bag of weed. See what I mean? Considerate!

During our post-coital wine and weed break, we chatted. He asked about Bumble and I showed him the losers you all know about. We talked about business things. Men love to talk to me about business because I hold my own on that topic. After 30 minutes, he mentioned it was a school night. For once I picked up on his social cue and took my leave.

When I got home, I sent him a text: “Thanks for the fun evening knocking boots 😎 You are the cum-summate host. 😉😊 I’m game whenever” He replied, “Perfect. Fun night”.

Will we do it again? Probably. When? I have no idea. I have a feeling that I am in a delicate stage with him. We have knocked boots, so he might be wondering if I become clingy or believe that we have some type of relationship. The best description is FWB, but he needs his space and freedom. I get it because I do too.

Photo by Melanie Mauer on Unsplash

Saving Strategy

The NY Times had an interesting article about saving in a time of inflation. The timing was good because I have been having the same thoughts in the back of my mind.

Basically, the article said that due to inflation, if you want to keep your money safe and risk-free, be prepared to lose some of it. That sucks.

The article (in case you can’t see it) cites experts in the fixed income investment world. One says to stay the course, keep the money in cash and take the loss if you need the money within five years. If you are focused on the medium term, have a balance between stocks and cash.

My financial planner really wanted my Emergency Fund out of the stock market and held safely in cash. I reluctantly agreed and recently just downsized my Index Fund. I took out the capital I put in and let the gain ride the ride.

I have been thinking about my savings. I am slowly coming back to a normal place where I don’t have to be so conservative with my spending. My emergency fund is almost fully funded and once that is done, it will be done. It took me a bit of time to understand that concept. What do I mean?

I am learning to consider Savings as a series of buckets. The Emergency Fund is, by far, the largest and most important bucket. I need to get that fully funded first and foremost.
My next buckets will be sinking funds for big ticket items including travel, new car, self-care (more to follow on this category), furniture and home improvements (when that time comes). I think I will open another savings account for these other buckets and use a spreadsheet to track each category’s allotment.

It is such a relief to be financially solvent and safe. It’s been quite some time since I have been in such a place.

Star Wars Hotel

Holy cow, the Star Wars nerd in me leaped out at this. Have you heard about the Star Wars hotel?! I never knew I was this big a nerd for Star Wars.

The experience begins with a “launch pod” that takes the guests to the Halcyon Staircruiser. Star War characters roam the shop. There will be planned events like lightsaber training, droid races — you get the idea.

Plus unexpected “story moments” will pop up like hiding a stowaway or joining an elite smuggling ring. Dressing in costume is encouraged (of course, where else can you look so cool with your Star Wars costume other than Comic-Con).

However, this is for affluent nerds because to do it all, the experience will be $6K for two nights. Wow.

Casual?

“Do I want a boyfriend?” That is the question a potential FBoy sends over. How the heck am I supposed to know? I responded, “If it leads to that”. I know that this is setting things up for something casual, but maybe I need a round of casual before I settle down again.

Is casual bad? Maybe I should keep things kind of casual because I really don’t see myself wanting to live with someone and do the whole “couples” thing. I want to hang out, travel and go places. If that is with a guy, great. If it is with a girlfriend (platonic), that’s great too. If it is a couple thing that only lasts a few months, so be it. I guess.

Perhaps I am trying to have only the icing off the cupcake. Maybe I am reluctant to do the harder work of making a committed relationship work. My track record so far shows that I give way too much and choose very controlling guys.

However, why put labels on relationships so early? I know that there are a lot of people out there that really prefer a committed relationship and don’t like the whole dating scene. I get it. It can be exhausting and can really do a number on your ego at times.

There is something to be said for managing your life as you see fit without the input of another person. I am at that stage of my life. I want to come home, do what I want to do. If I want to watch crap on TV, I control the remote. If I want to chill, listen to music and read, no issue. I want to spend my weekends with and how I see fit. Can I achieve that in a committed, live together situation?

Am I going to miss the intimacy and companionship aspect of a monogamous relationship? Perhaps. I do know that I like to be Numero Uno when it comes to certain things. I don’t like to be overlooked, hidden or ignored.

Can I find 1-3 guys that enjoy my company, will take me to places (dinner, concerts, boating, etc.) and then they go home? Or we hang out at their home and mine is kept sacred for just me? I like having a person I can tell some funny anecdote, but it doesn’t have to be a guy. It can be a girlfriend.

I also have to admit that I like the thrill of the chase. The rush of a new person who is interested in me. It is intoxicating. I understand why FBoys are FBoys . Maybe I am, at the end of the day, a FGirl? No slut shaming here for either side, just pure honesty.

I’m not sure Eleanor had my topic in mind…but I think it applies.

Noom Update #1

I want to keep track of my experience with Noom. As of the writing of this post, I have been Nooming for 12 days. How has it been? Easy but life-changing.

That is a bold statement, but it has been easy and it has led me to significant changes in a short amount of time.

In 12 days, I have lost over 5 pounds. Perfect, not too fast, but steady. I have reached and usually exceeded their daily step goal. I log all my food and it is pretty easy. I listen to all the lessons as I get ready in the morning. I am following the plan and it is providing results. Wow.

An older, very smart guy in our office has been on Noom for over a year. He lost 35 pounds. He loves it. He suggested that I get a FitBit so my steps are more accurately measured. He claims once you get over 5,000 to 6,000 steps, the phone pedometer just isn’t accurate enough. Plus the FitBit captures more because sometimes you walk around without the phone.

Since he is an IT guru, I immediately ordered my FitBit. I received it on Day 12. It was easy to set up and sync with Noom. I am good to go. I plan on continuing with the Whoop a bit longer until I am comfortable with the FitBit on its sleep tracking.

I don’t know if my success and motivation is from all the Bumble and other social activity or if it is Noom accountability or a combination of both, but food is not an issue. Staying inside my calorie allowance is easy. Exercise boosts my calorie allowance, so that encourages movement. The daily lessons are funny and interesting. It all seems to be clicking. I wish I had done this sooner!

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